We both prefer holidaying in the off season – cheaper, often better weather, less children/parents of children – and had 2 weeks booked off for end of September, beginning of October.

A fact both had been aware of for several months. And yet again, delayed any concrete plans to less than a month before. It was beginning to look like a caravan in Scunthorpe until Sus spotted a decent deal on a week long Virgin Cruise. Adults only. The non orgy kind.

Athens, Briefly

The cruise left and returned to Athens – not Scunthorpe – and meant a stupidly early flight to Athens that had us standing outside at 4.15am waving hopefully at any vehicle resembling our taxi. Thankfully, and in keeping with the taxi company we hire for such journeys, our driver arrived promptly, delivered us safely to Heathrow for an uneventful flight and passage through Greek customs.

A train, a tram and short walk deposited us in Koukaki, an Athens district a little south of the centre and ye olde stuff. I should add this wasn’t random. Our hotel for a one night stay was located in Koukaki. This being around midday – we were to board our cruise 4pm the following afternoon – left us plenty of time to explore.

Koukaki is well kept – as we discovered Athens to be generally – though architecturally uninspiring. Late 20th century, low rise apartment blocks make up the vast majority of Koukaki with only colourful awnings offering any interest or glamour.

We wandered and discovered – after conferring with Google – Blame it on the Sun taproom. A pleasant way to conclude out first evening.

Graffiti is omnipresent in Athens – if there’s a surface there’s a daub. My favourite was a neatly written ‘Pasta’. Presumably meaningful to someone. Nevertheless, I like to imagine some kid, on his first foray into the world of graffiti, panicked and daubed what he’d eaten for lunch.

Koukaki was meant to be a district on the up and up. On the OK and OK felt closer to the truth. We revisited Koukaki several days and several thousand words later.

We overslept and then kicked politely out of the swimming pool. An incredibly apologetic security chap explained the lack of a lifeguard was a safeguarding (read liability) issue.

After securing a late checkout from a lovely reception lady we troughed breakfast, showered, checked out and, leaving our bags with the hotel, happily meandered off.

To the National Gardens. A genuinely lovely green space in the very urban Athens. Numerous species of trees complemented attractive plantings and ponds full of turtles. The latter somewhat stole the show. This being Athens it was hot. The turtles competed to clamber onto rocks set in the ponds presumably to sunbathe. It made fascinating viewing. A very, very slow motion Ninja Turtles movie.

The Ship

Back to the hotel, bags picked up, taxi to our Virgin Cruise. And a genuine shock. The ship was an absolute monster, rising 16 floors – 4 times the height of the apartment block we live in. Naively we’d assumed a smaller ship, not something the size of Croydon. Boarding was efficient and quick.

Our cabin was located on the 10th floor (still sounds wrong) which was serendipitously splendid – the 15th floor was habited by multiple food outlets with the 7th floor hosting the majority of bars and speciality restaurants. The 6th floor boasted duty free shopping with the 16 floor reserved for a small pool, several jacuzzies and yet more bars. It was the party floor. Not our cup of seawater though a running track, cage for shooting hoops or kicking a football and a decently equipped gym all lived alongside partyville.

We righteously declined the efficient lifts and chose stairs to navigate between floors. A little like those seeking a carbon neutral solution, we felt stairs would offset our food intake.

The corridor our cabin was housed (berthed?) was distinctly dystopian – an updated 1984 if you will – in its length. There was a kink about two thirds of the way down only increasing the feeling you’d never escape.

Nevertheless our cabin, though compact, became a peaceful haven, a place to rest and rejuvenate. And it was quiet. Some corridor noise occasionally intruded though the slight hum from the aircon and a slighter thrum from the engines were never intrusive. Almost soothing.

A comfortable bed, a modern TV with an up to date library of films, all added to the serenity vibe. Everything was efficient – shower, air conditioning and storage space. A small fridge proved useful on occasion. The toilet was typhoonesque in its execution. Nothing – medium sized children, a decent sized dog or less important bits of furniture – would block it.

All cabins come with a view, ours was no exception with a small balcony large enough for 2 chairs and a small table. And a ridiculously comfortable hammock. Sus fell asleep ensconced one evening not waking up until the early hours. Though later in the season the weather was warm and the balcony, for us both, a regular haunt. And weirdly, the only time and place I ever saw our neighbours. On their respective balconies, not on ours. That would have been weirder still.

Bookings for restaurants, activities and shows were booked through an inevitable app. Customer services located on the 6th floor would also happily oblige without haptic feedback.

A rather clever tablet in the cabin controlled the TV, lights and opened and shut the curtains. I spent an enjoyable few minutes trying to break it.

Food

The previous evening we’d bagged a place at The Test Kitchen, one of the speciality restaurants, The food and ambience were delightful, would certainly recommend. Razzle Dazzle was another speciality restaurant where booking was part of the game. Again very palatable, posh gastro pub fodder. The Korean speciality eatery was less recommendable. The concept felt contrived and the food was at best average.

However, along with The Test Kitchen my favourite dining experience was undoubtedly the 15th floor. One could graze at 15 different food outlets. Until one exploded. In that week I must have tried most if not all of those outlets. The food was invariably excellent. Only the coffee was a tad rough and the orange juice sweetened rubbish. Fresh orange juice and proper coffee could both be purchased.

Fabulous outdoor seating at the stern (back) of good ship Croydon, often with gorgeous views, was to prove irresistible. A little like the dessert eatery I frequented. Quite a lot.

A Sea Day

Our first full day on fab ship Croydon was spent at sea. Our first breakfast, and all those that followed, were taken on the 15th floor. All good, non bad.

We spent time on the balcony hoping to spot a whale or pod of playful dolphins. Never did. We watched a film and read before heading to the 7th floor (stairs obvs) to catch an excellent 3 piece blues band. Next a bungey, yoga class (google) earning the right to demolish excellent pizzas. A wonderfully relaxing day finished with ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ and a bottle of red.

Split, Croatia

Our first proper destination was Split, a city we’d wanted to visit on a previous Croatia jaunt but unable due to being somewhere else.

After breakfast and a fascinating few minutes watching the manoeuvring jets do their thing – the rear ones were below our balcony – we disembarked and ambled into Split’s beautiful medieval old town. Initially established as a port by those clever Greeks Split was later developed by several empires including the Romans, Byzantines, Venetians, and Ottomans. That’s one distinguished list of invading hoards.

Remarkably Split is Croatia’s second largest city of about 400,000 souls. And the largest on the Dalmatian Coast.

If one craves more than another Medieval city, Roman ruins lie carelessly dotted about.

Diocletian’s Palace is the most famous of Split’s attractions,  part luxury residence, part fortified military garrison. The palace complex was constructed in the 3rd and 4th centuries AD for the Roman Emperor Diocletian, Gaius Aurelius Valerius Diocletianus, to his chums. It was hot. Very hot. There was a long queue. We didn’t go in.

What we did do was promenade along the sea front and stroll aimlessly through the conveniently pedestrianised old town. Lovely.

Then we walked up a hill. A lot of hill. Marjan Hill. What started as a stroll around interesting bits of Split ended with panoramic views and loss of body mass. After an agreeable halt in a small though rather finely formed communal, green space we chanced upon a popular restaurant with outdoor seating and fabulous views back over the city and bay. Good ship Croydon, clearly visible, sparkled in the sunshine.

Remember, this was October though the sun had apparently forgotten. Global warming in action. Another sweltering, uphill yomp brought no views – trees obscured even our ship – but a level area resplendent with a pretty if tiny church.

Stairs gleefully beckoned. Mercifully shaded by a wooded area. After some debate we resolutely set forth. As we generally do. An English couple were descending and we swapped a few words. Their preparation was to ‘sink a couple of pints’ before setting of. Makes you proud.

More steps, more uphill before we reached the Marjana-Telegrin viewpoint. Which wasn’t. There was was kid’s zoo, an observatory but little to view. Smug looking trees blocked most of what might have been there to see.

We struck up a conversation with an equally confused and disappointed 20 something American girl. Our band of 3 was literally heading down when an American family, who must have overheard, intervened. They kindly revealed a short walk and inevitable stairs would quickly plonk us on the viewing point proper. They were right. And it did.

To a large concreted summit with stunning 360 degree views.

We three wandered down saying our goodbyes to our young American chum at a fork in the path. Sus had left her bag somewhere on the trek up necessitating walking the same way we’d trudged up. We successfully rediscovered the bag in the community garden we’d briefly rested on our way up. Result.

Now able to deviate from our original route we discovered another sumptuous slice of Split to explore. Duly explored, time for a light ale. Apple maps unearthed one craft beer spot that appeared to use the word ‘craft’ to attracted the unwary. And ultimately disappointed. We left before we arrived.

However, a lovely spot, Leopold’s Bar (see beer blog) proved a saviour.

Back to the ship, necessary showers before a cocktail and an excellent dinner. We’d walked 13 kilometres – most seemingly uphill – that day.

And Split? A lovely city we’d happily pop back into sometime.

Dubrovnik, Croatia

A confession. We’d independently visited Dubrovnik and Kotor back in 2019 during the off season. Both agreed never, never to return to either on a cruise ship. That went well.

The notes below are taken from a blog from that time. I’ve added further thoughts at the end of each section.

If you only do one thing in Dubrovnik have a stroll around the city walls. It’s expensive (everything in Dubrovnik is) but gives fantastic views of the old town, the Adriatic and the surrounding hills. And then lose yourself (and you will) in the beautiful streets of the old town. Once you find yourself passing the same souvenir shop for the fifth time head up to the fort – those of you who are Game of Thrones devotees will be particularly excited. There’s the Rector’s Palace, another expensive option, though worth a peek if you’ve run out of ideas.

We didn’t but it’s worth considering the Dubrovnik Card if you intend to visit the many attractions the old town has to offer. We, by accident, walked to a second harbour about 40 minutes from the old town. Though quite pretty, with large banks and shopping malls, the area felt more a commercial centre. Again, if you’re running out of tourist delights, it might be worth a stroll.

Kawa sits just outside the city walls and sells only Croatian goods – handbags, scarves, oil etc. They also have a cracking selection of local craft ales and a small selection of similarly local wine. This may not be the cheap option but it’s certainly the quality option. And a huge improvement from those omnipresent souvenir shops selling tourist trap crap. Most of which is probably manufactured in China.

Old town Dubrovnik is undeniably beautiful (even the newer bits aren’t exactly horrible) plonked in an equally beautiful setting. We found it a little soulless. Too many tourist apartments, too many bars, restaurants and shops peddling the same tourist rubbish. Much of the old town was rebuilt after the tragic Balkan wars of the early 1990s giving an almost Disney feel – especially with Games of Thrones and, to a lesser extent, Star Wars tours advertised everywhere.

That’s a shame. I suggest you avoid the summer (and therefore most of the cruise ships) and overcrowding. But go. Dubrovnik is worth it.

October 2023 Update

On leaving our ship, a little tiresomely, we joined a vaguely disorganised queue for a bus – the good bits were some distance from our berthing spot.

The centre of Dubrovnik was tourist carnage. Seemingly enthusiastic tour leaders dragged around increasingly disinterested tourists wondering whether they’d be missed if they popped into that bar passed recently.

Nevertheless, wandered we did again appreciating the city. Quickly tiring of the teeming masses we booked a boat ride around the bay and island reserve of Lokrum.

It was a charming 45 minutes viewing the town, island and shoreline from the water. Boat trips hadn’t been an option on our winter sojourn. A small nudist colony took us by surprise. Not so them apparently.

Once returned to terra firma we explored the appreciatively less hectic steep side streets – I suspect a correlation between steep and less hectic. Earlier, we’d strolled by a Michelin starred restaurant. A lovely young lady explained a glass of vino two would unfortunately not be possible though was happy to pass on a recommendation. Which was unfortunately closed. After negotiating a bus queue resembling a rugby scrum we returned to our floating hotel.

As many will undoubtably be aware, board games are becoming increasingly popular. Analogue is the new digital. Vinyl and books, consigned to yesterdays’ heroes, both having been successfully resurrected.

As it happened, good ship Croydon had a fine selection of board games. We played 3, I lost 2 though like to believe the one I did win was down to my incisive and calculating mind, not pure luck. The standout game was ‘Redneck’ which Sus won on account of her ending the game with more teeth. My choice. Classy.

And what about Dubrovnik? It wouldn’t be our first recommendation for a holiday destination. We both preferred Split and Kotor. Should you visit, absolutely.

Montenegro – Kotor

It’s about a month since the trip and I contrived to omit both Montenegro and Lake Bled from these scribblings. A lake is perhaps forgivable but a whole country?

Makarska to Kotor (surprisingly located on the Bay of Kotor) is a four hour plus drive down the E65 – you will learn to love the E65 if you drive down the Croatian coast. More quality time with our UP! Bizarrely, because of the brutal Balkans War in the 1990s, you leave Croatia, pop into Bosnia and Herzegovina, pop back into Croatia before meandering into Montenegro. I can tell you little about Bosnia and Herzegovina apart from its unsurprising similarity to Croatia. It used to be the same country after all. And we were there for less than half an hour. Twice. 

Kotor’s old town, encased by staunch, defensive walls, is a collection of mediaeval streets, squares and Romanesque churches. If this isn’t enough, Kotor is surrounded by water and mountains. It is genuinely gorgeous. Cruise ships arrive with the regularity of the Victoria line. Thankfully not when we were there.

We spent a number of hours during the next few days wandering around this mediaeval gem. Like everywhere else, little was open allowing us to enjoy the splendour of the place without the distraction of tourist hoards searching for the next Lonely Planet must do.

One numbingly cold evening the main square hosted a local band. The annoyingly good looking, English speaking and undoubtedly charming lead singer also played lead guitar. Brilliantly. Their covers of 1970 rock classics made for a mildly surreal experience. I remember a number of food and drink stalls. Everything was free.

October 2023 Update

In total contrast to our 2019 Kotor visit our second coming coincided with cruise ships, teeming hoards and heat. Sailors, as Virgin enjoyed calling their cruise ship customers, were able to book any number of paid for excursions. Tagging dutifully along with an obviously organised tourist gaggle is something I find, a tad unfairly perhaps, deeply distasteful.

The ship anchored in the bay and a short boat ride – or long swim – was needed to deposit one onto dry land. From there it was an easy stroll into the delights of Kotor. Lifeboats ferried passengers to and from Good Ship Croydon which made sense. One bonus was being lowered into the water on winches. The ‘Titanic’ music would have been a nice touch.

And so the only excursion we booked was a guided tour of Kotor’s city walls. Other excursions appealed though not enough to entice. Uphill and steps played a significant part though, once at the top, the views were fabulous. The walls would not now prevent an invasion by school children but enough remained to glimpse their violent history. A tiny 11th century church had miraculously survived.

On returning to sea level we meandered again through the old town before stumbling into the wonderful Nitrox Pub and Eatery. The service was friendly, decent own beers on tap with a fine selection of cans. Their cocktails appeared positively decadent. And presumably lethal. Wonderful spot to chill and watch tourists drift by.

We loved Kotor back in 2019, we still love Kotor in 2023. Put on that checklist.

Back to the ship, dinner and then to bed.

Corfu

Was new to new to us both neither having visited. We docked at the imaginatively named Corfu Town, passed through possibly the grumpiest customs in the known world and never discovered the bus that allegedly dropped us in the town. Not an auspicious introduction.

Nevertheless, we bravely persevered and chanced upon a hop on hop off bus. We paid our money, completed a circuit and vaguely wished we hadn’t. We were struggling to understand the attraction of this, admittingly, small slice of Corfu.

Next up the Old Fort. Corfu really does need another ad agency. The Old Fort was constructed by clever, empire chasing Venetians in the 15th century, and kindly rebuilt by occupying forces latterly by the British in the 19th century. Including barracks now repurposed as a considerably friendlier music school. Not surprisingly the fort dominates the promontory, the site of the original 6th century old town.

Clambering to the highest point within the fort offers panoramic views of town and bay. Strangely, from within the fort, access to the friendly Corfu Yacht Club is possible. We ambled in for coffee, toilets and charming views.

We spent an affable couple of hours meandering through the fort before heading to the old town. It’s a pleasing place to wander. Much of the old town dates back to those clever Venetians, though parts are from later periods particularly the 19th century. 

There’s plenty of tourist trap crap to choose from thankfully interspersed with stores crafting genuinely beautiful products.

A wine bar, conveniently on the way back to the ship, appeared to be a splendid option. Never found it. We’d optimistically carried swim suits and towels hoping to discover a beach we could swim from. Never found that either.

What we did find, across from the port, was an attractive and friendly feeling district. Not something you often hear about a portside neighbourhood. It was a genuine and welcome surprise. Outside of the Old Town Corfu is an utterly non-descript, some might say unattractive, town.

As you may have deduced, Corfu Town was not somewhere we’d recommend. If you’ve already booked, too late. Presumably a convenient destination for Good Ship Croydon. Others agreed.

Nevertheless, Corfu Town is a small segment of the island and shouldn’t be judged on that alone. It’s an island, from the little I’ve heard, with much to offer.

Back on board our go to routine – food, cocktail, high brow boardgames – ‘Exploding Kittens’ was one – bed. We should have been pirates.

Day at Sea

Our final day on board was on the watery stuff. A leisurely breakfast again taken outside, something we’d both miss.

Next, back to the 16th floor. It was only now we discovered that cage for shooting hoops – missing hoops – and kicking a football. We spent an enjoyable half an hour working off that leisurely breakfast kicking a football around. I haven’t lost it. Regrettably, there was never a huge amount to lose.

Another film, reading, further balcony time all contributed in pleasingly wiling away the early afternoon. A cracking rock band – the guitarist looked at least 10 – and a games of shuffleboard on the deck – Sus won that too – completed the afternoon.

To shake up our evening we packed before heading for a last meal, cocktails and boardgames. Party on.

The following morning an early breakfast before disembarking at around 10am. Athens beckoned.

Final Thoughts

Our favourite? Kotor with Split a close second. Dubrovnik has it’s delights , Corfu Town less so.

And the cruise? We both thoroughly enjoyed that week. Boredom never visited, even sea days meandered amicably by. I’m not and never will be particularly children friendly and so the adult only aspect of the cruise especially appealed.

The destinations, including Corfu Town, all had something to offer, the staff were fabulous and I miss those 15th floor food outlets with wonderful outdoor seating. Onboard entertainment entertained – though much passed us by because we were asleep – and our cabin proved a perfect haven.

Gripes? The transport between the ship and touristy town bits occasionally frustrated. And the so called craft beer bar was a bit rubbish. Niche though an irritatingly irritant for beer snob such as myself.

Would we cruise again? Yes. Particularly a river cruise. Nevertheless, cruise holidays would not be our first choice. We both prefer a less regimented regime and greater independence.

And you may be disappointed to hear the ship’s name was not Good Ship Croydon. Nope, it was the tad classier – apologies to Croydon – Lady Resilience.